“Are you ready to meet some hot, young singles in your area?”
It’s a question we have all been asked, at one point or another- perhaps on the movie-streaming website you used to illegally watch Silver Linings Playbook, alongside the animated game that promised you a $500 Ruby Tuesday’s gift card if you felt compelled to punch a duck in the face hard enough. But, seriously. Do you want to meet some **~H0t $iNgLe$~**? Maybe one day you were asked this question, and you declared, “Yes. Oh, yes. I definitely would. Bring me those hot singles right now!”
If this sounds like you (or like a “friend of yours”), there is a fun, new activity for you, called “Tinder.” It’ s a smartphone app that works precisely as its title would have you believe- by piling dry, brittle stick- humans upon one another until you find your match (get it? It is a very punny app, Tinder) and a flame, i.e. LOVE bursts forth.
How, you ask, does this orgy of love begin? To find out, I downloaded the free app, strictly out of curiosity and journalistic integrity. Upon installation, my iPhone flat-out rejected it. Literally, it panicked- the screen flashed and then shut down for fifteen minutes, which I am assuming it spent dreaming of 2006- a simpler time when all a phone had to do to be “hip” was be a pink Motorola Razr.
However, when it powered back on, Tinder was ready to rumble! Huzzah. First, it immediately asks to log onto your Facebook to verify that you are actually a human, which is horrifying, obviously. Perhaps knowing the panic attack that comes with this question (we can’t have our thousand closest, most personal friends knowing that we are on a quest for love, after all), Tinder tenderly assures you that it won’t share your information, so you take the leap of faith and press on.
Past this point, the logistics are pretty simple. Pictures of potential lovers within 50 miles of you pop up (Using Tinder is perhaps the only time in which the phrase “binders of women” can accurately be used), showing their age and mutual friends or interests with you. There are two things you can do with them: “like” them, or say “nope,” because middle ground obviously cannot exist on Tinder. Saying “nope” banishes them into oblivion, theoretically. BUT. If, by chance, you both happen to have “liked” each other (!!!) sparks fly in the form of a chat box that opens between you and your match. In it, you are free to discuss your hopes and dreams and/ or sext at will. It’s a “fun way to break the ice,” Tinder’s website blithely states.
Oh, what fun it is. And what ice there is to be broken- on Tinder, you will find truly excellent people such as Nic, 18, who describes himself as a “rly nice guy just lookin for a hot girl ;-)”. As you can see, the possibilities are endless.
So, what are you waiting for? Go find some hot singles, you hot young thing!